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New Super Mario Bros. 2, known as New Super Mario Bros. 2: Electric Boogaloo in Europe, is a title for the Nintendo 3DS, which stars Mario reprising his role as Charles Martinet. We think it was meant to be a game, but it sure doesn't play like one. The goals of the "game" are to rescue Princess Peach from Bowser for the 69th time, and to accumulate a small wealth of a million coins. Fulfilling the first goal beats the "game", while fulfilling the second gives you the most important and meaningful prize ever. Spoiler alert: It's a different title screen.

Can we all agree to pretend that this mess never existed in the first place?

"Game""play"

In this "game", Mario collects about 5,000 coins every second, which earns him one-and-two-thirds lives for every frame, or almost 11 every in-"game" second. It's so easy, even your unborn child can beat it in 30 minutes or less!

The Super Leaf returns for nostalgic purposes, to remind players of the time when Super Mario-series titles were actually good. However, seeing as the 3DS has Virtual Console capabilities, you don't actually need to waste 60 dollars for the "nostalgia" the "game" "provides". You can just play something or other with actual effort and love put into it.

Soundtrack

The game's soundtrack is filled with ear-bleeding music of the experimental genre. It asks players to envision the Mushroom Kingdom of New Super Mario Bros. Wii after a wide-scale sheep infestation. Every track has not only interjectional bahs, but also dahs accompanying the melodies. It's absolutely horrible to have to listen to. Were Koji Kondo dead he'd be rolling in his grave, along with most of the other good musicians who are doing so for different reasons. The music was apparently composed by Skrillex, Motohiro Kawashima, and ARK Music Factory together - no wonder it's horrible.

Trivia

  • It is said that if you somehow lose all of your lives, a black screen with the words "game over" will appear. However, no one has ever had the misfortune to see that screen in this "game".
  • The idea for the "game" was pitched by the same gold fetishist at Nintendo who would later create Pink Gold Peach.

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